Nobody wants to be a statistic, and the reality is that in Australia around 1 in 3 marriages will end in divorce and for second time marriages this rate increases.
If you find yourself in this situation and are trying to make sense of what has happened and what to do now, take some comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Women are also the main initiators of divorce and this can leave men even more confused and angry.

Dealing with the emotional and financial fallout can be a lonely and isolated time, plus telling family and navigating friends is stressful and confusing. Most of us will know somebody who has gone through what we are feeling right now or are still in the anger/ mourning/ disbelief stage. Sometimes our friends and family are conflicted, due to mixed loyalties and possible impact of remaining in contact with nieces, nephews and grandchildren. If you are navigating this minefield and unsure or unable to make sense of what to do, there are some other things to help you from getting overwhelmed.

Finding a balance between taking full responsibility and accepting none can be a place of learning and growth, although it might not feel like that right now, this is where healing begins.

Having a place to discharge anger that does not affect loved ones is important, and if you are like many men who are not comfortable with sharing your troubles, the consequences of separation and divorce are only adding to the build-up of emotions. Doing some regular physical activity, limiting alcohol use and avoid being alone when you are most vulnerable.

Endeavour to stay engaged during conflict. Losing your temper and raging may feel good at the time but will invariably shut down any conversations and opportunity for negotiations. Equally, going silent and fuming inside do nothing for clear communication. These approaches will make us feel worse afterwards leading to further isolation.

Your self-esteem will be at rock bottom and attempting to escape this discomfort through drink, drugs and casual sex will feel good in the short term, however, they do not address the anger, loneliness and fear you are feeling. While some studies show that men end up wealthier after divorce on average, it is also proven that men suffer from a higher rate of suicide after divorce, and are more prone to alcoholism, weight gain and mental health issues.

Leaving some opportunity to grieve the loss is important as dreams and wishes of a shared future will be shattered and the life planned for will have changed dramatically. Divorce is a loss like any other and as such deserves the time and attention to help you heal and grow as a husband, father, partner and man.

Mark Hales



Category : Blog & Divorce & Men and Anger & Men and Divorce & Parenting & Relationships

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