Do You Have a ‘Man Cave’?

I was wondering how many men have a ‘man cave‘.

Do you?

What sort of man cave do you have/would you like to have? What do you do in your man cave. What would you like to do if you had a man cave? Are there any particular ideas that you have, either fixed or flexible, about what a man cave should be? Perhaps you think man caves are an out-of-date concept in our 21st Century.

If you have a man cave, have you thought about the qualities of your cave? What is it about your man cave that you enjoy? What does it offer you? What aspects of yourself feel more empowered or more alive when you’re in your cave, compared to other parts of your life? How important is your man cave to you own sense of wellbeing, to your own sense of self, to your own sense of manhood?

Perhaps you’re unclear what exactly a man cave is? I was wondering about the best way to describe a man cave and then I discovered that the concept is clearly defined on Wikipedia. For some reason I was initially surprised to find it there … I’m not sure why. But it’s such an important concept, especially in today’s society, that it makes perfect sense that it is a clearly defined and articulated part of a collection of ideas and information that represents so much of our world today.

So how does Wikipedia define a man cave?

“A man cave, sometimes a mantuary or manspace, is a male sanctuary, such as a specially equipped garage, spare bedroom, media room, den, or basement. It is not a cave but rather a metaphor describing a room inside the house, such as the basement or garage or attic or office, or outside the house such as a wood shed or tool room, where “guys can do as they please” without fear of upsetting any female sensibility about house decor or design. Paula Aymer of Tufts University calls it the “last bastion of masculinity”.

While a wife often has substantial authority over a whole house in terms of design and decoration, she generally has no say about what gets “mounted on the walls” of a man’s personal space. Since it is generally “accepted that women have the rest of the house to decorate, including the closets,” a man cave or man space is in some sense a reaction to feminine domestic power. While the term man cave has connotations of retreating to a more primitive primal place, the term man space has been used which doesn’t have the negative connotations.”

It’s interesting that the definition of a man cave is essentially contrasted with the feminine. In fact, it’s about a place that is entirely masculine, where the feminine has now power, no authority and no influence. This is not surprising, given that for many years in many societies in history the woman’s domain was the home, while the man had his own domain the work … the hunter .. the protector. How much has really changed?

If you are in a relationship, have you ever considered who holds the masculine energy in the relationship. Who is the decision maker? Who holds the power? As men we contain both masculine and feminine energy. The question is do you have the time, place and opportunity to explore your masculinity, your manhood? Is there any part of your life where your masculinity can fully express itself? What would/does your fully expressed manhood look like or feel like? What impact would/does it have on those around you?

A man cave can be a place, such as a shed or a garage or a basement. Or it could be an activity. Do you get together with a bunch of mates on a Sunday evening and play poker on a regular basis? Do you have a local club where you are known and you feel like you belong with other men? Are you part of a sports team of men?

Psychologically it’s an understood fact that parts of ourselves which can’t find expression in healthy way will often resort to expressing themselves in unhealthy ways – sometimes in ways that make us feel ‘out of control’. Our manhood is not different. It is important that, as men, we find regular and healthy ways in our lives for our masculinity to fully express itself … especially if it is truly the “last bastion of masculinity”.

Sometimes you may feel that your partner may not be supportive of your man cave. Perhaps they’ve even expressed this directly to you. However, part of expressing your manhood is about standing strong and firm for something that you believe in. And healthy femininity usually understands this too.

When our masculinity is fully expressed as one important part of our psyche, in a balanced and healthy way, it can often lead to us being more present in the other parts of our lives. When we feel more content about who we are and our manhood we can often be better partners, better fathers, better sons, better men.

What kind of man are you? What kind of man do you want to be?

Feel free to post your thoughts …

© Harley Conyer.



Category : 'Man Cave' & Blog & Manhood & Men's Coaching and Counselling & Men's Groups

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