Twenty Things I Learnt (The Hard Way) In My Twenties
Bridges burned, solo travel, family feuds and a whole lot of confusion. The twenties were not in vain. Here are some lessons I picked up along the way:
– Avoiding conflict in order to please everyone doesn’t make me “nice” (I’m nice for plenty of other reasons, ha).
– Speaking up, being direct and disagreeing in a civilised manner is healthy.
– My triggers, baggage and insecurities are my responsibility to heal.
– Just as slowing down isn’t laziness, being busy is not a virtue.
– Unhealthy attachment and feeling compelled to save someone does not equal love.
– Healthy relationships are essential; staunch independence is a defence against vulnerability, intimacy and growth.
– If nobody is listening, perhaps I’m not speaking loud enough (or clear enough).
– Things won’t go exactly to plan. Accept the unknown as an inherent part of the journey.
– Putting yourself down to make another feel better discredits both you and the other person.
– Only when you hold yourself accountable can you expect the same of others.
– Get comfortable in your own skin – though it may require discomfort to get there.
– It’s never too late to learn or make a change; sometimes you need to get out of your own way.
– No guru or self-help book can make decisions for you.
– I have a choice to walk away from people and situations that aren’t good for my wellbeing.
– Comparing myself to others is unhelpful and impractical; my journey is my business, their journey is theirs.
– Avoidance won’t solve my issues – it will prolong them.
– Don’t over-identify or attach yourself to one aspect of your personality makeup (i.e. sexuality, political party, sport team, mother, father etc.)
– There’s only one way up from the bottom. Sometimes all we can do is persist.
– Hold onto your sense of humour – you’ll need it moving forward.
– Find your tribe – even if it’s one special person.
Do any of these resonate for you?
What would your list look like?
Why not try writing your list down so you can come back to it in future? It may help you make more conscious decisions and consolidate what you value most in life.
Harry Bechara
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